Amazing Grace

(Please view the 20 -30 second video attached)
Twenty Five years ago today, I entered a drug rehabilitation program. I had been to several others that past year or two. I didn’t have any actual hope or desire to stay sober; I went to rehab in an attempt to get away from myself. Instead, I left there thirty days later believing in my gut that one day at a time, I could stay away from a drink and a drug. Rum had been my drink of choice but I drank anything. Cocaine was my drug and I took it straight into the veins but actually I used everything, anything to get high.

No, I am no longer crying poor me and didn’t understand that I was back then, all I knew was that I hurt. Everyone I believed was supposed to love me, had hurt me, used me and left me, except my mom. Her only “crime” was that she didn’t rescue me. Suicidal would have described me best, I think; however my attempts were weak and obviously didn’t work. Frankly, I just wanted the emotional pain to stop, wanted to shut off my brain, wanted to just be numb. Yet- deep inside - I longed for love, for friendships, for meaning and to know who I was made to be.

I was tough, inside and out. When I arrived in a twelve step program, grown men told me I frightened them. It was something I had practiced for years. I seethed anger- it hung over me like a thick cloud. No one came close – until I met Annie. She would come to the same meetings as I did, all dressed up in her pretty clothes, looking all happy and confident and she would plunk herself down in the seat next to me day after day. She saw past all the anger and the hurt. Worst of all, she would touch me when she spoke to me. Placing her hand on my leg or brushing the hair out of my face. She told me things would get better. It wasn’t anything I wanted to hear but I eventually began to believe her and one day at a time, they did. Annie was an angel, I believe.

I managed to stay sober and straight while I dealt with my past abuses, both the self inflicted ones and the others. I learned to forgive, other people and myself. I had the opportunity to return to school and got a degree. I met wonderful man and got married. I had one child from “before”, he came with two of his own and we had one together. (No, it’s not an episode of the Brady Bunch) Getting sober/straight was the toughest thing I have ever done. Praise God it’s not a struggle anymore but it was. I had buried tons of stuff – tons.

There have been many victories and challenges in my life since back then but I have learned along the way to take the lessons and the wisdom and to leave the emotions. Do I do that perfectly? No. I have learned to love and to allow others to love me. Do I allow it always? No. I have dispersed that cloud of anger and have found peace. Do I still get angry? Yes. I am not perfect although I am striving to be. What I am most pleased about is the amount of forgiveness I have in my heart for those who hurt me so badly as a child. They remain in my life to this day and I can say quite honestly that I love them. I give God all the credit for that.

It’s a day to be very grateful. It’s a day to remember that someone needs me to be their “Angel” and that’s why I am writing. Sorry it’s a bit long. Again, please watch the 20- 30 sec video attached.

Blessings,

Alane D Brown

http://www.christianwomennow.com/

Secret Societies: Inclusive or exclusive?

You are now a member of the secret society of Jeep Wrangler drivers . . . there was no initiation, no handbook, no warning. It came out of the blue one day as I was driving my Jeep Wrangler and noticed other drivers waving to me. It happened several times that week before I realized all of them had been driving the same type of Jeep as I was. "Hmmm," I thought, "that’s silly" and decided I wasn’t going to do it. Soon, though, I did find myself returning their waves and it became a habit. A month later as I was driving a different vehicle, I waved to a Jeep Wrangler driver and received no greeting in return. I was surprised and felt slighted until I realized I wasn’t driving the Jeep!

I know this sounds silly but it made me think . . . I was still the same person even though I was driving a different car but the others drivers only acknowledged me when I drove a vehicle that looked like theirs. It brought to mind the experience I had when I was looking for a church home and visited many in my area. They may have been biblically sound and offered many programs but almost all of them lacked the same thing, an absence of connection with visitors. Other than an usher greeting me, rarely did anyone speak with me before or after service. People tended to gravitate toward those who were familiar and I was not familiar. I knew I was a person just like them, even if I didn’t "drive the same type of car as they did," and I yearned for a connection, a reason to stay, a validation that I was worthy to be there.

Do you find yourself talking with the same people every week at church? You’re probably not intentionally ignoring anyone, but visitors and even people within your own church feel ignored! Without connection they will usually not return more than twice or for regular attendees, they may become less and less involved in ministry.

God made this real to me just yesterday. I had partly written this blog on Saturday and when I arrived at church yesterday there was a woman who said she was sick and wanted to find peace with God. As we began singing, I was flooded with the words of this blog and was overcome with knowing that I had to go sit with her. I felt inept at being able to meet her needs in any way but I couldn’t shake the overwhelming ‘burden’ to move, so I did. After service we began talking about general things and before I knew it, there were things she shared that I could counsel her on because they were part of my own testimony. I hadn’t planned anything, I only wanted to make her feel welcome in a new place, God did the rest! Was it easy to move during service when others would see me? No. Did I feel stupid and completely inept? Yes. Did God give me the words and heart to talk with her? Yes! Was she blessed? I believe so.

I'd like to challenge you to speak intentionally, next Sunday, with a visitor or another member of your church family whom you don’t normally spend time talking with. It may feel strange to you but it speaks volumes to them! They are yearning for connection and that may be where they first see God’s love for them. You, too, will be blessed.

Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 'For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.' (Matthew 25:34-36)

Be Blessed-

Jeanine Black

A Sabbath Days Walk

A Sabbath Days Walk

Then they returned to Jerusalem from the hill called the Mount of Olives, a Sabbath day's walk from the city. (Acts 1:12 NIV)

A Sabbath days walk is approximately ¾ of a mile - (about 1,100 meters).

This verse made me think back and had me remembering when. There was a time before I knew Jesus when I was addicted to drugs. Do you know - I would walk miles to get those drugs? In fact, I would plan my whole day around it if I had to. During those days all my thinking was wrapped up in addictive behaviors. It was very self serving behavior. Praise God, I am healed and no longer need to behave in that way.

The questions that arose from remembering back were these. Do I willing walk the distance that God asks me to walk? When He says, “go” do I move willingly without even questioning it as I did when I was seeking drugs?

Sometimes God asks us to walk great distances both physically, emotionally and Spiritually. He wants us to grow in Him and go tell others. Some of us are called across the globe and others to our neighbors, friends and relatives.
My questions are – Am I going in the direction God is calling? Am I in self serving mode or God serving mode? Am I walking that Sabbath Days walk for the Lord?

Trusting

The Wind

Suddenly a sound like the blowing of a violent wind came from heaven and filled the whole house where they were sitting.
(Acts 2:2 NIV)

References to the sound of wind blowing, in some Biblical Scripture, is often times used to represent the movement of the Holy Spirit.

Isn’t that cool? Many times, when I’m out walking and the wind blows it reminds me of God’s love, His very presence in my life. Frequently, I can’t actually hear the wind but I can hear the fluttering of leaves caught up in its current. I can see the branches of a mighty Oak tree blowing, swaying and bending as they become caught up within the gusts and movement of the wind.

It reminds me how strong and powerful the Lord is. It reminds me to be at peace because just as He is moving the branches of those trees, He is moving the branches of my life. I can rest, knowing He is in control of all things and therefore, I do not need to be.

Be a Christian in Action

He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." After he said this, he was taken up before their very eyes, and a cloud hid him from their sight. They were looking intently up into the sky as he was going, when suddenly two men dressed in white stood beside them. "Men of Galilee," they said, "why do you stand here looking into the sky? This same Jesus, who has been taken from you into heaven, will come back in the same way you have seen him go into heaven." – (Acts 1:7-11 NIV)

Wow! All this took place after Christ died on the cross and rose again. He was physically standing there and speaking with them. Imagine the awe the apostles must have been experiencing. Then, having been told they are His witnesses, Christ just disappears into the Heavens.

I don’t know about you but I would have been standing there staring at the sky for some length of time just as they did! Praise God for the angels He sent to tell them Jesus would come back someday. Most likely their appearance encouraged the disciples to go ahead and be the witnesses they were asked to be.

Since the very day I came to understand that Jesus is Lord and Savior and He entered my heart, I have been looking to the sky and waiting for his return. However, standing there gazing upward does not accomplish what God has asked me to do. I am to tell others of Him. I must be a Christian action.

Six Ways to Stay in Touch

Many of my favorite friends and relatives live very far away from me. They are all very precious, so staying in touch and letting them know they are loved, appreciated and valued is highly important. If you have long distant friendships you want to nurture, try using these tips to stay in touch and also please share your thoughts on how you reach out to your loved ones far away.

Send a card: I like to pick out special cards or sometimes even make a card and send them a word of encouragement through the mail.

Leave a Voice Mail: Very often, one of my friends come to mind and I she is unavailable but I go ahead and call anyways and leave her a message letting her know how precious she is to me.

Send an Email: I love to send out quick emails to people I love when I find they are on my heart and in my prayers. I like to include my signature (((HUGS))) – This is actually my personal favorite way of letting people know God has me praying for them.

Schedule Time for an Actual Call: Email back and forth until you find a time that is convienent for both of you. Just the emailing between you shows commitment to the friendship.

Always Be Trustworthy: Whatever way you choose to communicate, treat each communication with respect. Never share personal thoughts and prayer requests with others.

Share Photo’s: There are so many ways to do this – email, snail mail, video, face book, my space, etc. Pictures are a fantastic way to share our life with others.

Say I Love You: I do this as often as I can. In my opinion it can never be said enough.

Children Learn What They Live

Let me begin by sharing two lines from a poem written by Dorothy Law Nolte
If a child lives with encouragement. She learns confidence.
If a child lives with security. She learns to have faith.
The complete poem can be found here.

Recently my husband and I attended our teen age daughters cheerleading competition, which we have done every time her team has competed for the past four years. She is a flyer on the team. Meaning she is one of the girls they toss up or hold up into the air while she performs gymnastic type moves and then they catch her as she comes down. It’s not my cup of tea, give me a softball, a bat and a glove and I’m happy but this is the sport she chose, so we 100% support her.

This competition was a bit different because we had spent several hours the day before in the emergency room having her checked out after she had fallen out of a stunt and hit her head. Also two days prior it had happened as well. So within three days she had fallen twice from the same stunt. After a very long assessment of my daughters’ health and some lengthy discussion, the emergency room Doctor gave Taylor permission to cheer – just for the competition if she took the week off following. As loving parents we were nervous but we did not want to instill fear in her. She LOVES cheering, in fact during “cheer season” she eats, sleeps and breathes cheering.

We arrived at the gym about 15 minutes before the event began and she came over with her coach to explain to us that she had once again fallen during the same stunt however not on her head and that she still wanted to go on. My husband reluctantly gave the okay.

So the girls took their places and the music began. I was actually sweating and praying, sweating and praying as I watched each step they took, it was like slow motion. Up she went and perfectly preformed her Scorpion. Up she went again and perfectly performed her Basket Toss. Up again in to the Double Twist (this was the move they had been struggling with) and down she came in to the hands of her teammates and safely to the mat.

I looked at my husband with giant tears in my eyes and said, “I am so proud of her. That took so much courage and trust. I don’t think I could have done that” and he said, “Yes you would have. Where do you think she has learned to have courage like that? It’s from you Babe, She’s been watching you!
I praise God that I know I can do all things through Him – and that I have been a living witness to my daughter.

Take the Plunge 3: More swimming lessons

Do you like ice-cream? If you had never tasted it before and someone described it, you would get an idea of what it is like. It’s sweet, colorful, creamy, sometimes has chunks of chocolate in it, and is served on a waffle textured cone. Would that totally fulfill your curiosity about what ice-cream is like or would eating it yourself do a better job? Well, studying the bible is somewhat like that. Teachers and pastors teach you what the Word of God is all about and even how it applies to your life but really to savor and enjoy it fully is to taste it for yourself. Please don’t misunderstand me, I am not saying those Sunday school teachers and pastors are a second rate way to study the bible or that God doesn’t reveal truths to you as you listen, on the contrary they are an extremely integral part of our spiritual growth. What I am saying is that spending one-on-one time with God and letting Him teach you, makes your spiritual walk fuller and deeper. As I’ve talked about in the first two blogs, immersing yourself in the Word brings inner change and a closer relationship with God.

The two swimming lessons below are similar to yesterday’s however they use additional flotation devices to aid you.

Be in a bible study group. Join a group that studies the Word, not a feel good book, and uses a curriculum that includes homework. The homework is when you spend alone time with God and let Him teach and speak to you. My favorite bible study group of all time is Community Bible Study. I learned more in the five years I attended than I had up to that point. It combines all the facets I mentioned teacher, pastor, great curriculum and one-on-one time with God plus the bonus of support from other women. There are groups all over this country and internationally as well so check out their website under ministries/courses to find the locations near you. www.communitybiblestudy.org

Use a bible study book on your own. There are so many to choose from but they are not all equal. I suggest one that offers both questions about the scripture and its application to you. Topical studies are okay if they are rooted in and focused on scripture. If you don’t have a store nearby check out www.christianbook.com. Two of the ones I’ve used are a series by Cynthia Heald and also the Spirit Filled Life Bible Discovery Guides that focus on a specific book of the bible. Most any study from Navpress is good and I’ve heard the new video curriculum from "That the World May Know" series is great.

I hope I have encouraged you to go deeper in your study of the Bible so that you may find lasting refreshment, renewal and wisdom. And again, I welcome your comments.

Be blessed-
Jeanine Black

Take the Plunge 2: Swimming lessons

I love to read and study God’s Word! It’s exciting to see how the words written long ago apply to us today. I’ve learned so much about who God is, His character, His promises, His plans and His love for people. Understanding why God said or did certain things helps me completely trust Him with my life. Another reason I love to read and study the bible is its one of the ways God "speaks" to me. I do not hear His actual voice but as I read He reveals the meaning of a particular scripture and uses that to guide me through a situation, become aware of an area I need to work on or equip me for a future task. It’s so amazing! Today I want to share a "swimming lesson" I’ve used to immerse myself in the Word and experience inner change.

Journaling- This is my absolute favorite right now. Gather a bible and a notebook, choose a book of the bible to read, praise God in prayer and ask for wisdom then start reading. As you read stop and write any bible verse down that stands out to you and what stands out to you about it. As you’re thinking about that, God may show you a deeper meaning or how it relates to your own life so write that down too. This is the goal for the exercise so read until something stands out to you and continue to read to a logical stopping place to get a fuller context of the verse you've written down; follow up by writing any additional thoughts. Sometimes God floods my mind and heart with a lot and other times it’s less so don’t get caught up in that; many times a fuller understanding comes a few days later as I read further in that book. End your session with prayer. This process has deepened my relationship with God and taught me to hear His voice. Having a journal like this has also helped when I’ve gotten stuck and felt my life was not moving forward. Going back and reading what I wrote over a period of time revealed to me a thread of consistency where God had revealed an area in my life I needed to work on. When I saw the bigger picture I was able to identify that area and do something about it.

Try this and let me know how you like it or write and let me know the way you get into Gods’ Word and the inner changes you've had. Tomorrow I’ll share with you a few other swimming lessons.

"All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right." (2 Timothy 3:16 NLT)

Be blessed-

Jeanine Black

TAKING THE PLUNGE: Wading vs. immersion

For two short years my husband and I owned a swimming pool. How fun it was to do handstands with my daughter and float around on an inner tube but the best part was cooling off on a really hot day. It took me a while to learn the trick to it though because the air temperature made the water feel so cold I often sat on the edge and only put my legs in. Sometimes I would float on top of the water allowing only a small portion of my body to get wet however neither of those tactics actually gave me lasting relief from the heat. Our body temperature actually rises when it’s hot out and a cool breeze or a quick dip doesn’t lower the temperature but only cools the outer surface of our skin. To find lasting refreshment I had to immerse my whole body in the water so that my inner temperature actually changed.

So why am I talking about swimming when there’s a foot of snow outside and a windchill of 10 degrees; because it reminds me of the way people approach studying the Word of God, the bible. Some hover on the surface and learn the face value of scripture, while others immerse themselves in it learning personal application and are changed from the inside out! Those that float may say they don’t know how to swim or that people should only swim with the assistance of a teacher but I want to assure them that they CAN swim on their own and experience inner transformation and refreshment. "This same Good News that came to you is going out all over the world. It is bearing fruit everywhere by changing lives, just as it changed your lives from the day you first heard and understood the truth about God’s wonderful grace". (Colossians 1:6)

Are you seeking lasting refreshment, renewal and wisdom? Check back tomorrow as I share some different ways to dive into the Word of God and find it.

Be blessed-

Jeanine Black

DISTRACTION 101B: A Tool of Confusion

Satan is always trying to get God’s people to stumble. His toolbox is full of nasty tools to twist our thinking, cause us to doubt God, and puff up our pride. He loves to see us striving to accomplish something in our own strength with no thought of God at all. Sometimes his tactics are difficult to recognize since he can masquerade as an angel of light. "...Even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light." (1 Corinthians 11:14)

The first time I fell for one of his "tools of light" I had been asked to teach a youth Sunday school class. I was told I had some kind of gift but I certainly didn’t see it. I prayed and after telling God all of the reasons I wasn’t qualified I felt compelled to do it anyway. A joy came over me even though I was quite nervous. This is when Satan stepped in.

As soon as I agreed with God I was flooded with a million ideas of how to reach out to church visitors through our outside bulletin board. Since I was an experienced Graphic Designer, it appeared to me that this may be a better fit than teaching. After an agonizing week I realized that I didn’t have the " joy" to design bulletin boards that I had with the possibility of teaching. I made the final choice to teach and almost immediately the other ideas evaporated.

Perhaps you can see why it was hard to see through Satan’s attack. It was obvious that I had the experience to design a bulletin board and drawing more people into the church was certainly important!

You may also be faced with two ideas that seem equally ‘good’ on the surface so here are some signs to gauge if a "good" thing may actually be a distraction.

- You feel completely qualified and able to do it all without relying on God’s wisdom.
- You get into the "I have to, I need to, I want to . . . " mode of business; No need for God’s help.
- There’s a lack of joy.
- Confusion sets in. Just remember this "God is not a God of confusion but of peace." (1 Corinthians 14:33)

Be blessed,

Jeanine Black

DISTRACTION 101: The Benefit of Blinders

Have you ever seen a horse wearing these leather flaps around their eyes? They’re called "blinders" and they are used to restrict the horses ' peripheral vision enabling them to pay attention to what is in front of them. They are commonly used in situations where there may be a lot of diversions, such as crowded city streets, to keep the horse from becoming distracted or spooked. Although we humans would look ridiculous wearing this type of headgear we could really benefit from a pair!

Do you ever compare yourself to another? It could be about outward appearance, possessions, abilities or how your circumstances stack up against theirs. The list is endless in this analytical game we play but the results are always predictable; you will either deem yourself better or worse than your unknowing opponent or maybe conclude that you and they are even, but regardless of the outcome no one is really the winner! Looking at what is beside you causes distraction and just as a horse can become frightened and run off in the wrong direction, comparing yourself to another can take you from God’s intended destination.

As a writer I can look at other writers and see myself as better than they and then let my pride direct my words, or I can see myself as less talented and stop writing all together. Either way I am being ineffective and being robbed of the joy I receive when I follow Gods direction. Looking sideways I focus on how I rate as a writer; the focus is then on me but looking forward I see the goal of helping others deepen their relationship with God through what I write.

I once heard this gem of wisdom and I’ve never forgotten it: "You should never compare yourself to anyone except Jesus. When you compare yourself to another person you see yourself as either better or worse than them. When you compare yourself to Jesus than you see yourself as you truly are!" Humility causes us to look to the only One that can give us true worth. "Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time." (1 Peter 5:6)

To be effective in whatever area God has directed you to, strap on those blinders, stop looking at what’s around you and focus on what is in front of you!

Be blessed,
Jeanine Black

February 1, 1991 ?

That’s my wedding date! Today my husband and I have been married for eighteen years!
Wow. He is the best. I love him more today than when we first married. We have laughed together and cried together and most importantly, we have prayed together, always. We share our hearts, our secrets, and our hopes – always in honesty. He is my gift from God.

Back twenty years ago or so when we met, I wasn’t looking for a relationship in fact, just the opposite. I had been hurt so badly by every man I had ever let close to my heart that I was just done done with them all. My son was six and the two of us were very happy. We had our own little place and we were both in school. He was in the first grade and I was a junior in college. I had gone back to school to get a degree and a good job so I would never have to depend on anyone (a guy) ever again. But then it happened – I met Darrin.

We both needed our hearts to be mended – we both were “on guard” but love prevailed. We were instant best friends and so were our children. I had the one and he came with two. A ready made family, God wove us all together – (along with our fourth child who we had together – much later) and we DO depend on one another but not in a negative sense. We matter to one another, deeply. In a way no words could ever express –

February 1, 2009 is a day for reflection – “I love you Darrin”

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Blessings-
Alane D Brown